TOP TEN TV SHOWS

With classic 90s TV show The X-Files returning to the big screen for a second time, The Editor lists his top ten programmes...

1 - The Wire

Those who love The Wire, REALLY love it, but the vast majority of people have never seen it and would probably give up after one episode if they did, scared off by the slow-moving storylines, lack of an obvious 'star' and tales of life on some of the worst and most violent streets in America. Fans compare it to Dickens, Tolstoy and Greek tragedies, which all sounds very pompous, but in the case of this show, it's the only way to describe it. The Wire tells the stories of a wide cast of characters in Baltimore, from the Mayor down to a homeless junkie, and it does so at its own pace and by its own rules. With some of America's top crime authors joining the show's creators (an ex-cop and an ex-journalist) each series is like a chapter in a novel, with a theme to each - the war on drugs, the plight of the working man, the machinations at City Hall, the failing school system and the media. The Wire really does live up to the hype and make everything else on the small or big screen look a bit cheap, easy and hollow by comparison.

2 - The Sopranos

The Sopranos would have been top of this list at the start of the year, but its drop to second is only a reflection of the incredible quality of its HBO stablemate, and the gap between the two is paper-thin. An awe-inspiring piece of TV drama, this show took obvious influences from the likes of Goodfellas and proceeded to spend six seasons bettering them in every way. A great cast - augmented by guest appearances from people like Joey Pantoliano and Steve Buscemi - and a great story told with style and class made for a show that redefined what kind of quality you could get on television. And its uncompromising approach lasted right up to the gloriously gutsy and controversial ending.

3 - Six Feet Under

The third HBO show in our top three, Six Feet Under is about death. People die in every episode and there's a funeral in pretty much all of them too, which probably makes it sound very morbid, but yet the first season had some very funny moments as the recently deceased offered advice (or abuse) to the members of the Fisher family (or at least, they did in their imaginations, there were no ghosts in Six Feet Under). Gradually, this faded out as it became more and more driven by the characters and their lives, but the black humour was still as important as the more emotional scenes in a show that could make anyone with a soul cry at least once an episode.

4 - The West Wing

Compared to the three shows above, The West Wing looks a bit cosy and old-fashioned, but that doesn't take away from how great it was, particularly at its peak. The first few seasons were a masterclass in snappy dialogue and 'making politics interesting', rattling along at such a pace that even if you didn't understand the minutae of American domestic politics, that didn't matter. With Martin Sheen as the ultimate liberal president and a welcome antidote to the real person doing the job, The West Wing may have gone into decline after creator Aaron Sorkin left, but even then it was still better than most.

5 - The Simpsons

Yes, another American TV show. They just seem to do it better. There's not a lot new that can be said about The Simpsons, and even though the quality has slipped over the years and the likes of South Park and Family Guy have offered challenges to its supremacy, it's still the best comedy on TV, animated or otherwise. Most importantly, it's also one of the most endlessly watchable shows around, a quick half hour of genius that can mostly be seen hundreds of times without losing its appeal or its laughs.

6 - Blackadder

The first British show to get on the list, Blackadder is the perfect example of British humour. It's intelligent, knowledgeable, sarcastic, cruel and not afraid to wear silly tights to get a laugh. The first series was a bit hit and miss, but once Ben Elton came on board and brought a sharper edge in place of the early surrealistic touches, Blackadder kicked into gear and taught us all we needed to know about life in Elizabethan Britain, Georgian Britain and World War I trenches.

7 - The Shield

On the face of it, The Shield is just another of those cop shows that are ten-a-penny on TV, but this is no CSI, NCIS or, indeed, The Bill. How many of those would be brave enough to have their hero shoot a fellow policeman dead in cold blood in the first episode? Vic Mackey treads a precarious moral line, fighting the bad guys and bloodthirsty gangs while not being afraid to get his hands dirty when it comes to dodgy dealings. Guest stars like Glenn Close and Forest Whittaker have come in during recent seasons to add further class to a show that has got better and better.

8 - Only Fools And Horses

Like The Simpsons, Only Fools And Horses is almost a victim of its own overwhelming success. It is so ubiquitous, so universally popular and so often repeated that it's almost becoming the kind of programme that you don't want to admit liking. But it is a remarkable programme that managed to be incredibly funny for a very long time as well as making you care as much about the characters as if they were in a moving drama series. The only shame was that they were persuaded to bring it back for three shoddy specials when the story had reached the perfect emotionally-rewarding conclusion back in 1996.

9 - Fawlty Towers

A few of these programmes have been guilty of going on for longer than they should have, but the ultimate example of a show living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is Fawlty Towers. With just 12 episodes ever being made of it, there are simply no weak links in the Fawlty chain, which is more than can be said for the hotel itself. The Office and Sacha Baron Cohen may have re-popularised 'cringe comedy' in the last decade, but John Cleese and Connie Booth perfected it here with set-pieces like the fire drill scene in The Germans.

10 - The X-Files

Unfortunately, The X-Files did go on too long for its own good, and Chris Carter and his creative team have to take the blame for including so many twists and turns in the show's alien mythology that you sense not even they knew what was going on at the end. However, the X-Files was often at its best when ignoring the aliens and letting Mulder and Scully investigate the darker fringes of American society, like the Fluke Man, the Peacock Family and Eugene Tooms, one of the scariest characters in any TV show anywhere, ever.

TOP TEN: CLOWNS

Clowns. In theory, they're zany and humorous beings designed to keep small children amused between the trapeze artist and elephant show at the circus. In reality, however, they're psychopaths hell bent on world domination. In honour of The Joker's return to the big screen in The Dark Knight, we look at popular culture's best clowns, and ask them all to kindly leave us alone.

1) Pennywise the Dancing Clown (It)
It's Halloween 1992, and the BBC is marking the occasion by showing both parts of the TV movie version of Stephen King's It on successive nights. Intrigued, the eight-year-old me, in all my youthful naivety, decides that a film starring a child-murdering clown is appropriate viewing and not at all a ticket to terror. But, after three hours of torment at the hands of that wretched beast, I learned my lesson. Not only could I not sleep properly, but I actually felt something…something sitting at the end of my bed, watching, waiting for its time to pounce. Thankfully, there was nothing there (I think), but my paranoia and lasting mistrust of clowns is testament to the power of Tim Curry's performance. Pitched perfectly between outrageous camp and spine-chilling menace, Pennywise is a fiendish creation who inserted himself into my head that terrible night in '92 and wouldn‘t bloody leave. Credit too should go to director Tommy Lee Wallace, who creates a fearful atmosphere with minimal budget, through a clever blend of long shots and extreme close-ups, meaning you never quite know where Pennywise is going to pop up. I watched the film back recently for the first time since 92, and Pennywise's first appearance between the bed sheets on little Lori Anne's washing line still made me shriek. Just a little bit mind. Honest.

2) Krusty the Clown (The Simpsons)
Right, let's cut to the chase here. Krusty is a legend and we all know why. So, let's just let the man speak for himself with a collection of Krusty's greatest quotes. "If this is anyone but Steve Allen, you're stealin' my bit!". "Now for my favourite part of the show....What does that say? Talk to the audience! Ugghhh, this is always death...". "Tonight I'm going to suck... [switches the cue cards] your blood!". "It wasn't my fault! It was the Percodan! If you ask me, that stuff rots your brain. And now a word from our new sponsor... [reads card] ...Percodan?! Ahh crap!" And finally, my particular favourite: "Hey! Hey! Hey! It's great to be back at the Apollo Theater!" [Krusty looks at the sign behind him that reads "Krusty Komedy Klassics" or "KKK" for short] "KKK?! That's not good. Unghhhhh."

3) The Joker (Batman)
Like Pennywise, The Joker has probably been expelled from the clown trade union because he's more obvious about his dastardly nature than the sly little bastards like. But he, also like Pennywise, probably just bumped them all off and took over the union himself. Just for the hell of it. It‘s not as if it‘d be difficult for The Clown Prince of Crime. Not content with having haunted Batman and the good people of Gotham for well over half a century, he's also killed Robin and paralysed Batgirl! All while laughing like a loon. No other supervillain got under his enemies’ skin like that. No other supervillain could. Because no other supervillain goes round dressed like a clown...

4) Xander's clown (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Buffy fought vampires, hell demons and werewolves many times over during the seven year run of the TV series which bore her name, but gladly evil clowns only crossed her path once. In first season episode Nightmares, she and the Scoobies are haunted by real-life incarnations of their worst fears. Willow has to perform Madame Butterfly in front of a packed house, despite not knowing a word of the opera, Buffy is turned into a vampire and comes across The Master for the first time, and Xander, well, poor old Xander gets lured by a trail of chocolately goodness into the clutches of a frightening clown he encountered at his eighth birthday party. As he proved in another Buffy episode, Hush, Joss Whedon understands that to be truly frightening you don’t need to talk, so the only sounds emanating from the mouth of this particular psychopath is a terrifying high-pitched giggle which, understandably, encourages Xander to leg it. However, our hero has the final say as he turns, thumps his foe in the face and says: "You were a lousy clown. Your balloon animals were pathetic. Everyone can make a giraffe!" HA! Take that clown!

5) The toy clown (Poltergeist)
As if that ruddy tree wasn't bad enough, director Tobe Hooper decided what he really needed to sell Poltergeist as the devil’s own film was a scary looking toy clown. For most of the flick, the little bastard mercifully just sits there. But then, once the evil has passed and the Freelings go back into their home (Why?! Why did they do that?!) the satanic little beast strikes. Disappearing under Robbie‘s bed, he bides his time, waiting for his owner to look under. Nothing. A thousand small children breathe a sigh of relief. But then…BANG! Out come the hands, up pops the head and from the back he drags the kid under. Thankfully, Jo-Beth Williams is on hand to save the day, but how long before it strikes again?!

6) Bubbles the Clown (The test card)
There are many things I can forgive the BBC for. Eastenders, BBC Three, Alan Sugar… all ok. Just about. But the old test card? Sorry, that’s just beyond the pail. For thirty years that gaudy image was put up every night after BBC One went off air, sitting there throughout the wee small hours begging an endless list of questions. Who is that girl? What is she doing? Will she ever win that game of noughts and crosses? But this isn't a top ten of confused little girls. The most important question is what the hell that clown is doing there? There doesn‘t seem to be any logic to it, it‘s just there. Waiting, patiently for its moment. Ruminating the attack, working out tactics, pondering weak points and biding its time until…the inevitable. She never grew up, you know, that little girl. In thirty years she never aged a day. We all know why….

7) Captain Spaulding (House of 1,000 Corpses/The Devil's Rejects)
"But he's just a psychopath in make-up," came my reply when The Editor suggested putting Captain Spaulding on this list. "Exactly," he said. Well, how could I deny that? Probably inadvertently considering the film is utter dreck, House of 1,000 Corpses director Rob Zombie discovered the ultimate and undeniable truth about clowns. They are, every single one of them, just psychopaths wearing make-up. Seriously, think about it. What kind of a person wakes up in the morning and thinks "I know, I'll slap on some deathly white make-up, smear a smile on my face, don some oversized shoes and then, dressed like this, go out and entertain children"? A dangerous and disturbed person, that's who. And that's why Captain Spaulding made it on the list.

8) James Bond (Octopussy)
Many would say that Roger Moore was a clown from the very start of his tenure as 007, but it took until his penultimate outing for him to finally go all the way and stick on the make-up, silly wig and floppy shoes. Here Bond is tasked with tracking a jewel thief, and his journey leads him into the path of an Afghan prince and his associate, the titular Octopussy. For some reason, he eventually stumbles his way to a circus where, dressed as a clown, he defuses a bomb. Jumping the shark? Sadly, the Bond series did that years before…

9) Ashes to Ashes clown (Ashes to Ashes video)
"Ashes to ashes/Funk to funky/We know Major Tom's a junkie/Strung out in heavens high hitting an all-time low". Quite what that has to do with the miserable clown that appears in the video is known only to David Bowie. The rest of us can just sit there trying not to look directly at him. He'll probably turn us into stone or something. Evil. Very, VERY evil.

10) Insane Clown Posse members (Insane Clown Posse)
The only thing worse than one insane clown is a whole posse of them. Making music. Rubbish music. Ten albums worth of it. Worst band of all time? Absolutely.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT... PIXAR'S SHORT FILMS

Everyone has a favourite Pixar film. The Incredibles, Toy Story, Finding Nemo…Their list of hits is seemingly never-ending and even the so-called weaker pictures like A Bug’s Life and Cars still have more heart, ideas and freshness in a minute of celluloid than most rival animation houses have in their entire output. But what about their short films? So often overlooked in favour of their famous features, Pixar’s shorts gave the company their big break back in the 1980s and still prove a treat for cinemagoers today.

It all began in 1984 when Pixar was still owned by Lucasfilm and specialised in computer hardware production instead cartoons. Looking to create something special to show off their latest developments at an industry expo, John Lasseter and a small team of computer boffins decided to make a short film and came up with Andre and Wally B, a minute-and-a-half long short about a weird, big-nosed creature and giant bee bickering in a glorious, autumnal forest.

The animation is crude by today’s standards, but it proved a story could be told with computer animation and three years later they followed it up with the famous Luxo Jnr. The simple story of a parent lamp who watches as his son plays with and then accidentally deflates a ball, it exhibits Lassester’s genius for generating a wealth of emotion - everything from joy and sadness to shame and sympathy - from characters who are comprised of little more than three or four geometric shapes stuck together.

He achieved a similar feat with the following year’s Red’s Dream, a three minute film about a red unicycle with unrealised ambitions of juggling, before 1988 flick Tin Toy, in which the titular plaything tries to escape the clutches (and slobbering mouth) of his infant owner, gave the company a huge shot in the arm by winning an Oscar. Again, Lasseter’s mastery of visual storytelling shines through, and while the animation is crude, they and the following year‘s Knick Knack proved the company had enough imagination to fill a full-length film, and so Toy Story was born.

At this point, Pixar could have abandoned their short film output and concentrated on features instead. But, understanding that shorts are the perfect arena to test new technologies and untried talents, they continued the tradition with 1997’s Geri’s Game, a sweet story about an old man playing chess against himself. The first time Pixar truly perfected human skin and movement, Geri’s Game was an important breakthrough that would later allow them to make human-centered flicks like The Incredibles and Ratatouille, and added a little complexity to the simple storytelling they had in Tin Toy and Knick-Knack.

Up next was the magnificent For The Birds, the story of a group of bullying little avians who get their comeuppance after picking on one of their larger cousins. Another important flick for Pixar’s technological developments, it helped pioneer the realistic feathers and fur that would be so important to Monsters Inc. More importantly from a non-geeky point of view, it is arguably their finest short film, with director Ralph Egglestone creating a rich, detailed and funny story, which is as satisfying as any feature, despite its short length.

With the DVD release of Monster’s Inc, Pixar branched out into shorts featuring characters from their existing films. Mike’s New Car, the self-explanatory short included on the aforementioned film’s DVD, came first followed by Cars’ Mater and the Ghost Light, Ratatouille’s Your Friend The Rat and, best of all, Jak-Jak Attack, the hilarious story of what happened at the Incredibles’ home when a young babysitter bit off more than she could chew with the heroes’ baby. Short but perfectly formed, they’re so good you wonder why Pixar haven’t produced more and turned them into a TV series. I know I’d tune in.

Yet there remains something special about the original shorts Pixar creates for their pre-feature entertainment. Their most recent offerings, music-tinted One Man Band and alien abduction caper Lifted, have again found the company producing funny, inventive and sweet films that prove perfect tasters for the movies they are attached to, yet manage to exist as masterful works of art in their own right.

For Wall*E, they’ve come up with Presto, the story of a magician and his rabbit battling for a carrot. It will last only a few minutes and probably be missed by a significant portion of cinemagoers who are still waiting in line for their popcorn and Coke. But, like all Pixar’s output, it will charm and delight those who are in their seats and act as another reminder of the humble origins of one of the finest studios, live action or animated, working today.

READING, WATCHING, LISTENING TO

Find out what has been entertaining the Entertainment Manchester staff this week...

THE EDITOR

WATCHING: I've mostly been watching Dexter over the last few weeks, cramming in all of the first series on DVD just in time to start watching the second on Sunday on FX, which has started very well. Now I'm on another race against time to watch the fourth series of The Wire in time for the fifth to start later this month. Filmwise, I saw Prince Caspian at the cinema last weekend, which was pretty dull and and long-winded. At least Warwick Davis got to be in it as he was in the TV show too, though playing a different character. Not sure the Narnia series can keep on going all the way to the end on the big screen...

READING: Having bought myself a box-seat of Sherlock Holmes books ages ago with a post-Christmas book voucher, I've finally got around to reading them, and am currently most of the way through the third one, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. They're great, and I'm really looking forward to the rest of them, particularly as they are quite easy to dip in and out of whilst on the tram...

LISTENING TO: I'm on a classic rock tip at the moment, with Motley Crue and Whitesnake both very popular. Dr Feelgood and Kickstart My Heart by the Crue are just awesome rock anthems and have been very useful in the last week to help kick Rock Star by Nickelback out of my head (thank you very much to whichever generic sofa company have that awful song in their terrible advert). And finally, there's Ronald Jenkees, the YouTube legend (look him up) and his ace version of the Rocky theme...



THE WRITER

WATCHING: Doctor Who. This season of Doctor Who has been the best since its return in 2005, and it got a suitably epic finale on Saturday. Well, according to me anyway. Many others found problems with the season-closer, complaining that the lack of regeneration and metaphorical rather than literal death of the assistant were cop-outs. Nonsense. The regeneration sidestep was perfectly legitimate (come on, this is sci-fi), and the ‘death’ of Donna was one of the darkest, most bleak endings to a mainstream TV show I think I’ve ever seen, offering up something far more tragic than a simple, straightforward death. There were minor issues, of course, with the Daleks being defeated a little too easily and Rose settling too quickly for the cloned Doctor. But when the episode also threw up a bonkers Davros threatening to destroy reality itself, the sight of the Tardis hauling a kidnapped Earth back to its original place and, best of all, German Daleks it just seems silly to nitpick. This was Russell T. Davies’s last season as show-runner, and he leaves the series, Saturday night telly and science-fiction as a whole far richer places.

READING: Indiana Jones comics. To coincide with the release of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Dark Horse have recently published two anthologies of their 1990s Indy comics, much to the delight of myself and geeks everywhere. It‘s not all good news though. With George Lucas preferring to set many of the established movie characters aside for future cinematic outings, these adventures sadly seem separate from Steven Spielberg’s films, and sometimes even from each other, with the use of different writers and artists for each tale making it difficult to build up consistency from one story to the next. The limited length of comic books also proves a hindrance, something not helped by the exposition that the complex, globe-trotting plots lumber each story with. However, they’re still rip-roaring entertainment, with the writers capturing Indy’s voice perfectly and the MacGuffins being unique enough to make sure these aren’t just nostalgic retreads of the films.

LISTENING TO: Radiohead: LIVE!!! Ok, this is a bit of a cheat considering the Editor and I went to see The Mighty Head (as absolutely nobody calls them) two Sundays back, but as I’ve listened to nothing of note since then it still counts. As was mentioned in the review, the casual-fan crowd was often unresponsive, but the band themselves were on top form, playing a perfectly-judged set with a fine balance of pre and post-Kid A tracks. As good as the likes of Paranoid Android, Just and Fake Plastic Trees were though, the gig really came alive for me when they played the more obscure stuff. The Gloaming, Bangers and Mash and Myxamaotosis are all more interesting tracks live than they are in album form, and it’s quite a sight watching Thom thrust all things thrustable and shoot the audience with an imaginary gun during the latter song. All in all, a fantastic experience…even if I did have a dirty hoodie thrown at me during the first encore.